The days are getting colder and I am spending more time at home. I regularly reflect back on my journey to becoming a mom. I am already 35 weeks pregnant and the pressure of becoming a mom and going through labour is just beyond the door. I am extremely excited and looking forward to having someone so little in my arms that I can hold and cuddle with. However, I have noticed my relationship with my husband has changed over the course of the pregnancy and is continuing to change.
In the beginning my husband was almost speechless, he looked like he was a little in shock when he found out I was pregnant. He didn’t show any overexcitement, but didn’t look disappointed either. Internally I think he was just trying to process the thought of being a dad, only having just less than a year ago become a husband I bet it was one more thing to think about.
It took him quite a while to adjust to being a husband, I think initially he felt pretty trapped and uncomfortable, it must have taken about 6 months for him to settle in with this thought. Being married puts pressure on a man, he is expected to fend for his family no matter what. In order for them to feel comfortable they need to gain their confidence as a stable income provider and a man in control. Women tend to nest easier and we quickly adapt to our wifely role, cooking, cleaning, supporting our men and doing just about anything to keep the balance at home.
Becoming a father is an even bigger challenge, with the daily changing of nappies, going to work, sleepless nights and one more mouth to feed. Some men get scared and they run away from their obligations, pretend it’s a woman’s job, hide at work or just don’t want to accept it. Unfortunately this leads to a lot of tension at home, because the wife is tired, neglected, finding no time for herself and just isolated with the baby with limited social interaction to a more adult group.
It is really important that both parents understand that they need time together as a family, also time to themselves and time alone without the baby. This is where grandparents come in handy I hope!
My husband is so fond of our little baby, even though he isn’t born. I think the reasoning behind this, is that I share with him all the little things baby does. Like when he kicks, or has hiccups and oddly enough babies even in the womb have their own characters. When mine gets startled or excited, he gets the hiccups. He also likes to stick out his bumm and have it rubbed and the more you rub it, the more he sticks it out.
He is a funny little character, just like his daddy!
While his daddy seems to be growing more and more overprotective over me, especially when the bump is slowly getting bigger. I still sometimes feel alone when I am at home. I now feel like I need more attention and care and the days are beginning to slow me down. Sleeping is becoming a problem and doing all the chores is not as easy anymore. This is when daddy’s can really help the mom to be, be home earlier, sometimes cook her a meal, help clean the house and just be reassuring. It can be a really stressful time mentally and the support means more than anything. If you ignore to do those things, she will be even more scared for the future and what a new baby might bring. She will think that not only is she now going to have to take care of you, but the chores and the baby. This becomes a cloud of doom, because of the massive uncertainty attached to how she is going to cope given her feelings of exhaustion.
Now is not the time to play computer / tv games, or do just about all the things you want to or have been doing, it is a time for change and stepping into the real role of manhood. Your contribution is invaluable and so are you in a relationship. Mind, Body and Soul.
Plus, you need to remember you are not just a husband now but also a father. That bond you get with your children that is something no one can later take away from you.
One colleague once said to me, you will inevitably end up fighting about stupid things. What you need to do is ask yourself, “Do I have a strong opinion about it, if not and your partner has then just go with it.”
- Hands-On Fatherhood (marriageconfessions.com)