The life changing news
So here I am finally comfortable with life and being on the right track when, as I mentioned, my mother moves to another town. I find myself conflicted and find it so hard to support the decisions that would ultimately have the greatest affect on my family as I know it.
So we do this for a year, this backwards and forwards of going to visit on the weekends, which is more draining on my father than it is on me.
You want to know the way I learnt to drive? (an automatic car)
I know it almost drives itself, but you would think I learnt to drive it with a driving instructor or my dad, but crazily it was neither. Actually, one night we were driving back from visiting my mother and my dad fell asleep at the wheel. I could see the car going straight towards the one driving parallel to ours. I reacted by grabbing the wheel and steering it back into the right lane. I asked my dad to pull over and got behind the wheel.
I thought that in this way at least the risk would be reduced. I’ve never been so nervous and reliant on my senses to get us home and seeing as it was 2 hour trip in the middle of the night I was rather scared.
We got to the junction where I would have to get off the highway to get us home and suddenly I was enveloped by blue and red lights glowing everywhere. I was pulled over, the cop inspected the car while I smiled politely. He never asked me for my driver’s license and I continued onwards home. A similar incident on another occasion got us into trouble when my dad asked me to pull over and change seats, the cop gave us a fine for doing this on the highway.
When I got home that evening I couldn’t risk going up the driveway, so I stopped on the side of the street and asked my dad to do it. I remember not being able to unglue my hands from the steering wheel. They had locked themselves into one position and my dad helped me unstick one, which I then used to unstick the other.
That was my first driving experience and a part of my new responsibilities as a teenager growing into adulthood.
More Bad News
If it wasn’t bad enough that my mom was far away then things were just about to get worse for me. My dad decided to go and work in the province while my mom contemplated going to the UK to work. This contemplation was only a thought at the time, because they wondered what they would do with me. I mean transport around South Africa is not easy you either need to use your feet or learn to drive. Seeing as I was learning rather fast, but being majorly underage it wasn’t really an option to leave me just yet….. but then the perfect opportunity presented itself.
I have bad experiences when it comes to my parents leaving me behind with their friends, it always turns sour. I am always the extra wheel and people starting thinking of ways to take advantage and guess what I am always stuck in the middle. The first time happened when my dad promised to take me and my best friend to the coast for summer and that never happened due to work obligations. He then arranged for one of his secretary colleagues to take me and my friend with. He would pay for the hotel and they would take us there are provide us with food. It all didn’t work out well at all. At the first gas station his friends turned to me and asked me for money, because they thought we would be too expensive and not worth their trip. I tried to bargain with them and explain they had agreed to the deal and that they needed to follow through and that we were not expensive etc. They didn’t care to listen and 3 to 2 we were really outnumber. In the end they agreed to take us to the house, they lived there with us, but we were to provide for ourselves food for 2 weeks. My friend and I scrambled what money we had and cooked and did whatever we had to make due. We hardly spent any time in the hotel with them. I would’ give them money out of principle and because unlike my parents I hate it when people try and take me for a ride.
I must say even though all this happened, I had fun with my friend at the beach. I don’t know how much she remembers of this event and if she enjoyed herself at all, but it must have been quite frightening. I always had my head screwed on for survival, this was due to my background, but this didn’t always come naturally for people around me.
Never the less, my parents made a similar deal here. They would leave me to live in my own home with these people and they would then provide food for me and take me to school. Now I am not a big someone and I don’t require so much sustenance, but it seemed like this was too expensive for these people and in the end they decided not to cook for me at all. This had some rather repercussive effects.
By that time I had met some guy that I was just going to the movies with, he wanted to be my boyfriend and I was really into being with the opposite sex. Exploring dating and all the things that come up when you growing up. He unfortunately didn’t know the history between me and my little child crush. So one day as we were walking through the mall together I bumped into the boy I had worked with at the supermarket. He was so surprised to see me and we chatted a bit, later my boyfriend at the time gave him my mobile number and I suppose you can say that was the end of that friendship. As much as he wanted to sacrifice to be with me…. he really wasn’t the right guy for me. He wrote me a letter and stood in the middle of the street, he was willing to die for me if I couldn’t be with him. The drama’s only got worse and worse in my love life. From one bad relationship into another. They were all also partially my fault. I can’t say that as a young girl I didn’t crave the attention, but I think it went both ways and sometimes I felt pressured into relationships that I didn’t know how to say no to. Only later to find out that I had to do what’s right and walk away.
This never satisfied feeling of being lonely was coupled with depression probably due to my hormones and it drove me to make bad decisions.
Having lost so much weight was not the worst thing, but not eating regularly began to take over my life. I was too down and the food didn’t actually fill me up in a happy way, so I ended up skipping meals, if not even going without food for a few days. I was so tired I was falling asleep at school, my teachers began to notice and were concerned. My grades never really dropped, but my health began to cripple.
That boy that I was telling you about, lets call him G. G phoned me before the valentines ball of my second last year of high school and at the time I was again with someone. So I organised him to go on a date with one of my friends, while also arranging another friends with my bf’s friend. We all went to the ball and had a good time, by the end I don’t remember why, but I decided to go back with my friend and G home and meet my bf there.
We had organised them to sleep in different rooms and I must say it was a successful night, but from that moment onwards G never stopped coming to my house and forgetting things behind. At the same time my friend couldn’t stop liking him, so I was kind of piggy in the middle.