Category Archives: Spirit

Why do you expect to receive? Let me tell you my biggest gift


I know a while ago I wrote about disappointment, this time around I want to write about expectations and the gift of receiving. In my life I have had to ask very little of my parents, not because I didn’t need, but because they have always over provided. For this I am more than thankful and indebted forever. They gave me the gift of life, an education, love, compassion, encouragement, money, support, help and all the things necessary for me to become who I am today. It is funny how much we actually receive and how much more we actually want, be they physical things or otherwise. It might not be things we necessarily need, but we feel at that moment in time they would make us happy.gift_of_time

The people I have asked the most out of, well I would have to correct the term people and just say my husband and the other entity, if you want to be more correct, would be God. What can I say I am a needy wife and child. From them I have asked the world and they have always provided, even if it hasn’t been in time. In- between I have been disappointed. But why? well I think that I was disappointed because I always expected, as if I deserved. When I never expected from my parents and I received I felt I had received more than I deserved and I felt good. So was the key here is expectation? Yes, indeed it is. If we do not think we deserve, when we receive we will be overjoyed.

Where does this feeling of grander come from? Well, I believe it comes from many places:

– lack of confidence

– overcompensation

– spoilt

– complexed

They don’t sound like very good things do they, well we should try and cut them down then don’t you think?

It is so much nicer to give… I love giving to my son.. he gets something out of it and so do I. Now I am beginning to understand why my parents like giving me things, or so I have deduced. The best gifts have been wise words and lessons, those are the things that build memories and that remain forever. Material things fade and become dated and unwanted.

I remember a few important lessons my father taught me:

When I was going to school one day my looked at me and said : “Lilly, enjoy these years they will be the best years of your life. You have no obligations and are care-free, you can do anything you want to.” I thought he was being silly and all I wanted to do was grow up faster, but I still took in all those memorable years with both hands.

Then I turned nineteen and went to university and my dad said: “Lilly, enjoy these years as you get to learn your career and you are growing into an adult who can be self-sufficient and take care of herself. You are becoming independent and can go out and have fun with friends, but don’t forget to work hard. Make these years count and go wherever you want to. They were my favourite!” I thought they were his favourite cause he must have partied hard and it is easier to remember these years than the rest of them. So I worked hard and enjoyed myself.

When I got married my dad said to me: “Lilly, enjoy this time you have with your husband. You don’t have any children and you can do many things. No obligations yet and you are with the person you love. What better thing?” – This time I probably took mostly for granted and found it hard to grow into my adulthood.

When I got pregnant my dad said to me:” Lilly, enjoy the pregnancy because soon the little one will pop out and you won’t have time for anything. It is beautiful to be pregnant.” – so I did.

When I had the baby my dad said to me:”Lilly, enjoy this time with your son because it is so special. He is small and he needs you. He isn’t hard work and you get to feed him and bond with him and laugh.” – so I am, but I have taken a step back and thought of all the things my dad has said to me.

What he didn’t realise is that he was teaching me the biggest lesson of them all and giving me the biggest gift. He gave me memories and he gave me time. He taught me to enjoy life, every minute of it. Everything that happens is special and things change as you experience more of it. He told me to enjoy because sooner or later things would change and we miss the things we don’t have. Regrettably sometimes we don’t see the value in the things in front of us.

He wasn’t saying enjoy only this time, but enjoy all time.

So I hope that whoever you are and where-ever you find yourself in your journey you find time to enjoy it.

Why is being a parent so special?


English: A young girl kisses a baby on the cheek.
English: A young girl kisses a baby on the cheek. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was recently asked to comment on why people have kids given the obstacles and difficulties you find yourself having to cope with while they grow up etc. I find it really hard to come up with a logical explanation. Having been accustomed to providing scientific answers and statistics when it comes to emotions there is no real rational behind it.

When you want to have kids it’s almost like an instinctive feeling, a desire for generational survival and a primal need to be succeeded. Indeed having a loving partner and wanting to share something unique and special with them is a large motivator. This is something you will create that will largely be your own. It is in its own right a masterpiece for a painter or an invention for a scientist, but in my opinion it is much more than this. For me it is a miracle.

The first couple of months when you realise you have a life form being created by your body you just can’t believe how incredible your system is and that it is really happening to you. You are excited about feeling this little being transforming your body, your life, your perception of the world. To care about something not material, but to love someone so unconditionally, so unselfishly that you would give up your whole life and existence for them.

Once they are big enough inside of you they start kicking, hiccuping, wiggling, interacting with you. You are now bonding and interconnected spiritually. They hear your heartbeat day in and day out, your voice and feel your emotions. They are consumed by you and will be like this for years to come.

You begin to feel the little spirit and the joy it will bring you. The curiosity of how they  look like makes you dream away their facial features and their character. Your partner is now able to share these special moments with you, he lays his hands upon your belly. He feels proud to be able to connect and feel your child growing inside of you, inside of the person they love the most. They know soon life will be different but good. You both get encouragement by others and the excitement from people around you spurs you on. It is indeed a joyous time.

Then labour comes, the mighty hours of labour bring you and your partner closer together. He begins to realise how much you are going through to bring this child, your child, into this world.

He is grateful to have you and soon your baby to call his own. His own little family!

You are consumed with emotions, soon you will finally see your  little baby in your arms. Your little love bug, the baby that loves you most in the whole world. The baby that cannot live without you and you realise you have to live for them and you cannot live without them. You have been blessed to feel them alive within your womb and soon in your hands, that you know you cannot not have this feeling of needing to connect.

When they come out, you look at them straight in the eyes and they gaze back. Finally mommy and baby get to see each other, to not only live as one, but to watch each other evolve over time. To admire each other and to support each other. You love this child, they are a part of you. Your flesh and blood, your lips, your eyes…. it’s kind of mental because it’s like loving yourself but better.

More than anything, day by day you invest your soul, your heart, your efforts into their growth and development and they become more and more connected to you with every feed. The more they surprise you by doing different things, the more excited you become, the prouder you feel, the closer to your partner you feel and the more you love them. Your partner is proud and loving, knowing he has had the blessing of having a gift from god.

This is just snippet of emotions you go through with your baby and this is the way we love them and the way they love us. This is the way they bring us all closer together, as families and extended families. They are beautiful and they are the future. And who knows now that you love this feeling so much, you may want to relive it with another baby!

Do you feel you are being paid enough?


In our jobs a lot of us feel we give more than we receive, in fact the majority of us nowadays also tend to put in a lot of overtime with no compensation. The majority of employed managers tend to fall into this category, they feel obligated to support their staff and to help solve any problems that might arise in the workplace.

There are three other main reasons why the majority of us do this:

1. we are overachievers and we like to do our best to get the job done right

2. we feel that we are more likely to be acknowledged

3. we feel connected to the idea of the company we are representing

Unfortunately, what we don’t realise is that the moments we give away to our work including already what is 70% of our day we lose at home. It jeopardises our relationships with our friends, family and kids. Then you get all that meaningless bonus that does not reflect your efforts at all, or even come close to paying what you have given over and what you find yourself in is a roller-coaster of disappointment, resentment and bitterness towards your boss.

This is the time when most employees begin to consider whether they should be putting in that extra time or whether they should be considering a different job. Fortunately for those working in bigger organisations, the remuneration packages are well tailored to your performance and usually you know what you will get. You have more security on those all possible promotions and positions are usually available. The down side is that you end up competing with many other candidates that may be very well networked and sometimes bureaucracy takes place, or you have to wait your turn, or the company is not doing well so you all end up being treated the same irrespective of your individual contribution as the company finds itself needing to stabilise.

Either way the above is generally not the case for large companies who do want to retain their key staff.

For smaller organisation unfortunately there is less scope to be able to be flexible. The bonuses they can award is based on the money that gets put aside for this and how much revenue has been generated, but also on how charitable the management are feeling. The smaller companies often have to be careful not to overspend, as if they find themselves in a messy situation financially they may not be able to continue smooth sailing. This makes it extremely hard for them, because they have to balance the potential of losing their staff to better paid employment and risk having to pay additional agency fees. A risk which they may anyway we planning on accepting depending on the circumstances.

Star staff is so important in a small company, as without them everything would not run as smoothly and they would end up not performing to the level they are expecting for their clients and long term lose reputationaly.

You as an individual shouldn’t really care what the situation of the company is in, at the end of the day you deserve fair compensation for your labour and performance at a competitive industry standard rate.

How do I know when it’s time to quit? 

Here are a few items to consider in deciding whether or not to leave your job:

  • Did your boss deny your raise and is it likely that you will not receive a raise in the near future?
  • Do you foresee professional growth and promotion at your company?
  • Do you feel fulfilled and challenged by your work?
  • Does your current position meet your financial needs?
  • Does the company’s future look bright?

Ideally, your job should provide a salary that reflects your experience and performance, and meets your financial needs. There should also be opportunity to move forward and gain new responsibilities. You should feel that the company has strong and realistic long-term goals. You should feel that the work you’re doing is personally enjoyable and rewarding, and that your job is secure.

Obviously, the ideal job is rare. It’s up to you to decide those points that are worth a compromise and those that are not. If you’re finding that your job falls short enough of these ideals that you feel frustrated or stuck, that you’re floundering financially, or that you’re afraid you won’t have a job in the near future, it’s probably time to start looking for a new position.

But don’t quit until you have another job offer. In this tough economy, finding a new job can take long time, and it’s important to first ensure that your next position is preferable to your current one.

There are many reasons why people leave their jobs, the highest ranked in clude pay:

1: You know you aren’t performing to the best of your ability or the job is not the right fit

2: You start gravitating toward coworkers you can be disgruntled with or can’t stand your boss

3: You can’t picture your future with your current employer or you ready for a new career

4: You take inventory of your job’s pros and cons… and the cons win

5: You look for ways to improve your current situation but you can’t turn it into what you really want

6: Your skills are lagging and your position offers no opportunities to update them and no challenges

7: You can’t get enough positive reinforcement to keep your spirits up

8: Your salary just isn’t enough or you have a better offer on the table

9: You want to live somewhere else or your life has changed in a major way

10: Your company or work situation has changed radically since you were hired or the company is about to fail

Sometimes it is not enough for people to just say we doing a good job, sometimes it is important for us to see that they are doing something to show us that they appreciate. The most natural way an employer can show you is by paying you adequately. You should not have to fight teeth and bone to get what you are worth, if you do you should consider your position.

I recently read an article about people who give it their 120% and who tend to overfunction. What most people don’t realise is that when you overfunction that tends to suppress the chaos that you are compensating for and over time continual circumvention causes repeated problems that prevents your organisation from looking at ineffective infrastructures and systems.

Over-functioning may mask the reality of poorly performing staff but how would you know? And it also potentially or unintentionally discourages some staff to step up and be competent for their roles and responsibilities. Staff that rely on your overfunctioning tend to under-perform and prevents others from making and learning from their own mistakes and developing problem-solving skills. Their learning and development stops. This could even be your boss.

In the end what is important is that you keep a work life balance and a harmony within yourself. If you feel you don’t have that, you have options and choices to make. The world is full of opportunities and challenges, as well as many more merry places to be explored. Good luck hunting.

How to cope with disappointment?


I’ve had my share of disappointments over the last few weeks. Especially with regards to how I would have liked or would like certain things to work out.

I have had to come to the realization that sometimes no matter how in control you think you are, some things are just out of your hands no matter what you do.

It feels like you nudge things in the right direction, sometimes for ages and yet they come out all wrong. So in the end what is disappointment?
Well, it’s actually a state of mind. It is what we chose to be in a given moment in time. To be a good manager we usually handle the expectations of our staff and of our clients, but what we actively forget to do is handle ourselves. This is what most of us call as preparation or acceptance, acceptance usually comes after we want to move past disappointment. Preparation is not always possible, however there are the wise few who always say keep an open mind.

I think keeping an open mind when you are an organized project manager, or a person with the qualities to want to make lists and who doesn’t like the unexpected, is hard. What can you do?
1. You can start by clearing your mind and relaxing. Breathing techniques can work wonders. Breath deep and exhale slowly.
2. Focus on the bigger picture, goal not the nitty gritty of each and every step of the journey.
3. Begin to feel the excitement of the possibilities ahead of you.
4. Embrace the changes as positives as they happen. See them as opportunities or safeguards for the better or even better see them as challenges.
5. Challenges are there because you can achieve more and go further.

If all else fails work out and burn those bad boy thoughts!!

What do you think? You think you can do it? If not today, don’t worry with time comes wisdom and patience will get you there.

Easy to make Christmas presents


I know it’s nowhere near Xmas, but you might as well get thinking about what presents you going to get for friends and family, and what budget you going to set aside for this.

Seeing as I will be busy with a baby for the remainder of this year and because I want to make some personalized gifts, I have already made a couple of things to give away.

This year I’m making scarfs, not the Rudolf looking ones, but slightly more fashionable.

I prefer to buy thick yarn that has flowing colours. The money I spent for the present is mostly due to the quality of the yarn, the important things is that it’s soft, colourful and not synthetic. It must contain a high wool percentage, so it keeps the person warm.

What you need:
1. 20 mm thick knitting needles
2. Wool, one rather large and thick ball of it. But the length is down to you.

To start cast 6 stitches, after that cast one stitch for every existing stitch followed by wrapping the yarn around the needle again. If you want a thicker scarf start with 9 stitches and double up to 18 for the second row.

For the third row combine two stitches together to form a stitch and repeat the same pattern overt and over till the end.
Cast off.

Very simple and it comes out beautifully. If you want you can buy a nice inexpensive brooch to go with it or make some flower like patterns out of beads and attach to the scarf for extra decoration.

You can make this present as cost-effective or expensive as you like, depending on if you can get a bargain on the wool.

How do we get inspired?


I have wanted to write this piece for some time now, there have been nights when I have felt that I had all the right thoughts in my mind to be able to construct something useful and today I just decided to try.

Inspiration comes from many different sources, I have found that travelling has contributed the most to my creative development. I have been disillusioned in the past to think that watching tv or movies would inspire me, but all it did was the opposite.

Is inspiration all about creativity? …. Absolutely not! Inspiration can be for starting up a business, joining a charity, joining a dancing class.. it is doing something completely different to your every day activities. In life we need changes, because if we don’t inject new fun things into our lives we are not truly living for ourselves, but for others.

You live as a mom for your children, as a wife for your husband, as a daughter for your family, as a husband for your wife, as a dad for your children. What are you living as for yourself?

I have met many people who have said that they don’t know exactly what makes them happy, recently my husband shared the same stories with me. It seems our gender doesn’t make a difference, we seem to all feel the same things when it comes to enjoyment. Some of us over enjoy, which is not enjoying but indulging in non-healthy activities which actually are suppressing an internal unhappiness and mutilating our bodies with toxic habits.

So how do we introduce the positives and remove the negatives?

Well, nothing happens without exploration. To be an explorer you need to find the time, mostly the will, the dedication and determination to change, but also sometimes we need a bit of extra money to do things or join classes. The best way to continue on the journey is to tell people that we are exploring and get them to encourage you, join others who are doing the same and being part of groups of people who know how to have fun. In the end it is all worth it!

For those of us who it doesn’t come naturally to we need to make an effort, so we start by mentally injecting positive affirmations.

“Affirmations are positive statements that describe a desired situation, and which are repeated many times, in order to impress the subconscious mind and trigger it into positive action. In order to ensure the effectiveness of the affirmations, they have to be repeated with attention, conviction, interest and desire.”

You can write yourself posted notes, or change your screen saver, have it on your desktop or phone. The more they rhyme the more they stick to your mind. You can get them recorder or get people to repeat them to you.

You then have to put yourself out there, try something challenging even though if that means risking and exposing yourself. Better risking the exposure than continuing to feel down and depressed.

Over time, you will become comfortable with trying these things out naturally. Meeting people and not living in the routine. The new you will inspire others and inject positive energy in your belief system. If you want that new body, or you want to start that pottery class or you have always wanted to sing. Do it, for later will never come and we need to enjoy the present. Pick up that paint brush and change your destiny, only you can do it. Just believe.

Inspiration comes to those who are at peace, who are happy, who are open to the world and see, listen to things that they are not used to. Connecting things that have never before been connected or being inspired by people who are projecting the positive energies that form the waves of change. You don’t have to be young to do it, but willing.

Why do women nag?


 

Nagging can have a profound negative effect on a relationship, but also a negative psychological impact on the children who witness this act between two parents.

Before you jump to conclusions, we don’t just do it for fun or because it is in our genes.

Nagging habits develop through frustration, disappointment, anger and the feeling of being disrespected. Women generally are very active in their homes and they like to feel comfortable, this is because they have the feeling of nesting.They like to feel relaxed, comfortable and cosy. When a women sits down to rest in her mind a swarm of chores is encircling in a big fat list and the more she notices her surroundings she begins to acknowledge that there are things around her that are not quite right. She therefore cannot feel proud of the house or “nest” that she is taking care of for her family, therefore she cannot rest. It is difficult even if she tries to do this. This can also contribute to restless, sleepless nights filled with reiteration of that list, just in case she forgets something.

Over time the frustration of having to put items on the list aside, for extended periods of time, makes her agitated and nervous. She begins to problem solve and sees that you, her man, would be the perfect saviour to help along with these problems. After-all this is what she married you for! She approaches you, you hate doing chores but you feel obliged to help your wife. She works just as many hours as you, cooks and supports you and has been doing the majority of chores, if you are honest with yourself, for years. During this time you noticed her getting tired, but it didn’t bother you much. You thought giving her mental support and cuddles was enough, because she never complained before and never really asked you for help. You never wondered why that was, but if you did you would have come to the conclusion that she truly loved you. You would feel guilty and possibly think twice about how you showed her you loved her back. Now you might think, “oh, was that the reason she kept asking me if I love her? and I thought it was a stupid question that made me quite irritable.”

There are days you just can’t be bothered, you fall into a habit of not doing things regularly, you are tired and want to relax more. Maybe you want to play games, go out for beers, watch tv etc. When this happens, you have allowed yourself to take time out, but she cannot do afford to do this. The minute she does, everything will tip out of balance even more until your woman will become depressed and unable to handle the demands of life.

So next time your lady is nagging you, think to yourself why? The nagging is really a sign of desperation that you would acknowledge her and respond to her cry for help. All she wants you to do is respect her efforts and help her out. After all isn’t this what you expect from your boss at work? If this doesn’t make you feel like you are a hero or a boss at home, then I don’t know what will?

Unless you can afford to pay someone else to help your wife, you better get on with it!

God forbid the next time she has man flu and you got to do it all on your own. Well if you help her now, chances are she will be less stressed and healthier.

In the end we love each other and therefore should respect each other by helping one another.