Tag Archives: Parenting

So what if my baby wears Ralph Lauren from time to time?


My baby boy is one month short of a year and I have finally decided that parenting is a full time job. It is probably the most rewarding and frustrating job you might have, but the benefits are endless and absolutely gob smacking amazing.

When it gets tough, you got no option but to get tougher. When it gets rough, you got no option but to keep going….. and when they get a cold… you get one too eventually. Worst of all is, you can’t call in sick!!! You can call friends and parents, but moaning won’t help, they’ll just tell you “that’s the way it is” and “we have all been through it”.

The big question after all is, “Are you prepared for another one?”.

I have to say that question has been swimming in my head for some time now and there are a lot of mixed emotions. I absolutely love spoiling my child. The old me would have said…”Why do kids have to wear labels, they grow out of their clothes so quickly and it will just be a waste of money?”. I didn’t realise I would  completely cut down spending on myself and just spend on my child. Anything from educational toys, fancy clothes, books and everything in between. Even dinner has become a permanent gourmet session.  Would I have to stop spoiling him when I have a second, because I would have to cut down on spending? Or would it be cheaper as you got some hand-me-downs? Do you have to share your love?

When I hugged my child tonight to put him to bed I thought to myself, thank you God for blessing me with this wonderful baby and for allowing me to become a mom. Lately I have been reading on facebook a lot of messages about how wonderful moms are. I bet a lot of those messages are written by moms. First you don’t really get to appreciate your mom until you have one. You realise how unselfish she really is. To be a mom you have to give freely, everything… literally. I mean I don’t eat half the time cause my son wants my food, even-though it’s the same as his. The best pieces now go to him, everything is reserved and booked and cooked according to the babies needs. The husband also kinda takes a backseat.

What we forget about is how wonderful our kids are and how much satisfaction you get from the little things. My parents and parents in-law are the same as us, all you hear is “Look at him, look what he is doing!” He may have done it 20 times, but it’s just as exciting when you see it happen again and again, until he masters that skill. It’s funny, because we satisfied with just a smile in the beginning and then everything they learn is like a major achievement. Every time my son goes to the toilet to do a number two in the potty I get so super excited and now he even claps for me when he is finished. I don’t see him doing that when he is 20, do you? He will probably be completely embarrassed if he had to read this in the future.

I was saying something to a friend of mine the other day that makes me look at life in a completely different light. Whenever someone ever asked me my age I would say 1 year higher than I was, I was constantly sprinting ahead. When I hit 24 I stopped that habit and now it’s like, “How old am I? Oh, I don’t know! Let’s calculated… 1..2..3…….uhm.. twenty-…?”

Image

When our children are first born we just super excited about having them and we can’t wait till they can roll-over, sit-up, crawl… etc. We compare them to the other kids their age. We wonder why our kids haven’t learnt to do this or that as quickly as their peers. STOP and slow down.

Do you really want them to grow up so quickly? They won’t be babies anymore.

Do you really think they won’t learn those skills eventually anyway? Of course they will.

Just because Jerry got his first tooth at 4 months and yours at 14 months! So what, did you ask Jerry’s mom how it feels. She was probably totally excited about it when it happened, or maybe under slept and then she realised she has to brush the tooth. 10 months of brushing you didn’t have to do!! Turn the negative thinking into positive thinking and let nature just run it’s course.

Anyway, I enjoy being a mom and wondering if I can repeat it all over again. Oh and who cares if they grow out of the expensive clothes, at least they look cute in them. By the way, you can buy it on SALE :).

Why do you expect to receive? Let me tell you my biggest gift


I know a while ago I wrote about disappointment, this time around I want to write about expectations and the gift of receiving. In my life I have had to ask very little of my parents, not because I didn’t need, but because they have always over provided. For this I am more than thankful and indebted forever. They gave me the gift of life, an education, love, compassion, encouragement, money, support, help and all the things necessary for me to become who I am today. It is funny how much we actually receive and how much more we actually want, be they physical things or otherwise. It might not be things we necessarily need, but we feel at that moment in time they would make us happy.gift_of_time

The people I have asked the most out of, well I would have to correct the term people and just say my husband and the other entity, if you want to be more correct, would be God. What can I say I am a needy wife and child. From them I have asked the world and they have always provided, even if it hasn’t been in time. In- between I have been disappointed. But why? well I think that I was disappointed because I always expected, as if I deserved. When I never expected from my parents and I received I felt I had received more than I deserved and I felt good. So was the key here is expectation? Yes, indeed it is. If we do not think we deserve, when we receive we will be overjoyed.

Where does this feeling of grander come from? Well, I believe it comes from many places:

– lack of confidence

– overcompensation

– spoilt

– complexed

They don’t sound like very good things do they, well we should try and cut them down then don’t you think?

It is so much nicer to give… I love giving to my son.. he gets something out of it and so do I. Now I am beginning to understand why my parents like giving me things, or so I have deduced. The best gifts have been wise words and lessons, those are the things that build memories and that remain forever. Material things fade and become dated and unwanted.

I remember a few important lessons my father taught me:

When I was going to school one day my looked at me and said : “Lilly, enjoy these years they will be the best years of your life. You have no obligations and are care-free, you can do anything you want to.” I thought he was being silly and all I wanted to do was grow up faster, but I still took in all those memorable years with both hands.

Then I turned nineteen and went to university and my dad said: “Lilly, enjoy these years as you get to learn your career and you are growing into an adult who can be self-sufficient and take care of herself. You are becoming independent and can go out and have fun with friends, but don’t forget to work hard. Make these years count and go wherever you want to. They were my favourite!” I thought they were his favourite cause he must have partied hard and it is easier to remember these years than the rest of them. So I worked hard and enjoyed myself.

When I got married my dad said to me: “Lilly, enjoy this time you have with your husband. You don’t have any children and you can do many things. No obligations yet and you are with the person you love. What better thing?” – This time I probably took mostly for granted and found it hard to grow into my adulthood.

When I got pregnant my dad said to me:” Lilly, enjoy the pregnancy because soon the little one will pop out and you won’t have time for anything. It is beautiful to be pregnant.” – so I did.

When I had the baby my dad said to me:”Lilly, enjoy this time with your son because it is so special. He is small and he needs you. He isn’t hard work and you get to feed him and bond with him and laugh.” – so I am, but I have taken a step back and thought of all the things my dad has said to me.

What he didn’t realise is that he was teaching me the biggest lesson of them all and giving me the biggest gift. He gave me memories and he gave me time. He taught me to enjoy life, every minute of it. Everything that happens is special and things change as you experience more of it. He told me to enjoy because sooner or later things would change and we miss the things we don’t have. Regrettably sometimes we don’t see the value in the things in front of us.

He wasn’t saying enjoy only this time, but enjoy all time.

So I hope that whoever you are and where-ever you find yourself in your journey you find time to enjoy it.

Week 17 to 20 has been tough


It is unbelievable how quickly time has passed us by. I sat on the couch this evening reminiscing and going through all the “old” photos of my son. I used to take a couple of pictures a day, that has gone down to a few a week now. I like to take more videos as I am recorded the drastic changes in behaviour and movement on a daily basis.

I thought I had it all figured out, feeding times, nappy changes and sleep times. All the things you read about being ready and there, then all of a sudden out of the blue everything changes. Well that did happen to us on week 16/17. My son decided not to sleep and stay awake until 12/1 in the morning. To wake up through the night again and feed every 2 to 3 hours. He also decided that he wanted CONSTANT attention, if you don’t pay him attention then things get worse and tempers rise.

20130227_000946

I found that part so hard, not having a baby taking a proper nap during the day so that I could feed myself, bathe, cook dinner, dress properly and do some housework. No sir! That plan is out!
Instead I’ve been losing weight and when I get a chance I use it to go to the loo :).

Hyperactive you say, well I think the very word is too bleak to describe it. Crying and kicking and fussing and laughing at the same time, definitely not something I fully understand.

I then came across an article of a mom desperately trying to get the message passed along that after week 17 things change and they become more needy with tendencies towards separation anxiety.
I also began looking into the developmental milestones of this age, and I found a really fascinating website.
http://www.babyzone.com/baby/baby-week-by-week/_page-2

My friend also posted a really interesting article about needy children and I also found that pretty informative. http://jessswales.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/high-need-babies.html
It definitely defined my son to a T and I realize now that I need to just keep going at it and I do so with more love and patience.

Just wish I could get some extra sleep.

Parenting


parentingParenting skills come with experience and also with knowledge transfer. It isn’t always easy to know what to do and sometimes you relying on people, “specialists” to guide you. Sometimes the specialists get it wrong, so what do you have? Parenting instincts, mother’s instinct! Trust it, it is the most powerful thing in the world.

Why?

Because it is formed on love and admiration for your child. It is important to share experiences and many have recognized this and formed parenting / mother and baby groups. Sometimes these have been distorted into an excuse to get out the house and gossip thereby lessening the learning experience. We have now apparently formed classes to teach young mom’s how to play with their children, because somehow those skills never got passed on.

Well don’t worry, there are moms out there like me, who don’t mind sharing 🙂 and there are parents like you who like to read.

Match made in the internet (heaven).

How do Dad’s feel during pregnancy?


English: Father with baby in the shower.
English: Father with baby in the shower. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The days are getting colder and I am spending more time at home. I regularly reflect back on my journey to becoming a mom. I am already 35 weeks pregnant and the pressure of becoming a mom and going through labour is just beyond the door. I am extremely excited and looking forward to having someone so little in my arms that I can hold and cuddle with. However, I have noticed my relationship with my husband has changed over the course of the pregnancy and is continuing to change.

In the beginning my husband was almost speechless, he looked like he was a little in shock when he found out I was pregnant. He didn’t show any overexcitement, but didn’t look disappointed either. Internally I think he was just trying to process the thought of being a dad, only having just less than a year ago become a husband I bet it was one more thing to think about.

It took him quite a while to adjust to being a husband, I think initially he felt pretty trapped and uncomfortable, it must have taken about 6 months for him to settle in with this thought. Being married puts pressure on a man, he is expected to fend for his family no matter what. In order for them to feel comfortable they need to gain their confidence as a stable income provider and a man in control. Women tend to nest easier and we quickly adapt to our wifely role, cooking, cleaning, supporting our men and doing just about anything to keep the balance at home.

Becoming a father is an even bigger challenge, with the daily changing of nappies, going to work, sleepless nights and one more mouth to feed. Some men get scared and they run away from their obligations, pretend it’s a woman’s job, hide at work or just don’t want to accept it. Unfortunately this leads to a lot of tension at home, because the wife is tired, neglected, finding no time for herself and just isolated with the baby with limited social interaction to a more adult group.

It is really important that both parents understand that they need time together as a family, also time to themselves and time alone without the baby. This is where grandparents come in handy I hope!

My husband is so fond of our little baby, even though he isn’t born. I think the reasoning behind this, is that I share with him all the little things baby does. Like when he kicks, or has hiccups and oddly enough babies even in the womb have their own characters. When mine gets startled or excited, he gets the hiccups. He also likes to stick out his bumm and have it rubbed and the more you rub it, the more he sticks it out.

He is a funny little character, just like his daddy!

While his daddy seems to be growing more and more overprotective over me, especially when the bump is slowly getting bigger. I still sometimes feel alone when I am at home. I now feel like I need more attention and care and the days are beginning to slow me down. Sleeping is becoming a problem and doing all the chores is not as easy anymore. This is when daddy’s can really help the mom to be, be home earlier, sometimes cook her a meal, help clean the house and just be reassuring. It can be a really stressful time mentally and the support means more than anything. If you ignore to do those things, she will be even more scared for the future and what a new baby might bring. She will think that not only is she now going to have to take care of you, but the chores and the baby. This becomes a cloud of doom, because of the massive uncertainty attached to how she is going to cope given her feelings of exhaustion.

Now is not the time to play computer / tv games, or do just about all the things you want to or have been doing, it is a time for change and stepping into the real role of manhood. Your contribution is invaluable and so are you in a relationship. Mind, Body and Soul.

Plus, you need to remember you are not just a husband now but also a father. That bond you get with your children that is something no one can later take away from you.

One colleague once said to me, you will inevitably end up fighting about stupid things. What you need to do is ask yourself, “Do I have a strong opinion about it, if not and your partner has then just go with it.”